You are a process, not a problem

Have you ever found yourself feeling angry/stressed/jealous/anxious/sad and thought, “I’m a meditator, I shouldn’t feel this way”? We come to learn meditation because of one, some or all of those things, and with time and regular practice, we find ourselves less reactive, less tired and generally happier and calmer throughout our day. Then we get hit with a “negative” emotion, and spiral into a thought stream of why we shouldn’t feel the way we feel. We think, “I should be better by now”, “I thought I was past all this” or “meditation doesn’t work anymore”. Does this sound familiar?
 
There’s an unfortunate misconception that meditation will single-handedly solve the problem of us being human, and therefore erase any of the less gratifying emotions we might experience. This is such a damaging perspective for a number of reasons.

First, you’re not a problem to be solved. You are a process. And healing happens in layers, like a spiral, rather than a straight line.

Second, the light and dark emotions live in polarity with each other, and we need them to give context to each other.

Thirdly, when we notice a surge in a particular feeling, it’s a sign of energy trapped in the nervous system, attempting to be released. Emotions are energy in motion, and they need to be allowed and expressed in order to be released. When we deny, reject or criticise the way we feel, we create blocks, which keep the feelings trapped inside, circulating, building and wreaking havoc on our nervous system – this is why stress kills.
 
There’s also the belief that healing and growth are a linear path. Anyone who has embarked on a journey of awakening or self-development will tell you that it’s an incredibly challenging process and can bring with it a lot of turbulence. We go through periods of expansion, presence and joy, then hit a block of emotion and think we’re getting worse, going backwards or falling into old habits. That would be true if we were on a linear path, but the truth is that healing is a spiral - you may feel like you're going in circles sometimes, but you are still progressing.
 
Meditation is one of the most effective tools when it comes to processing trapped emotion. As we settle down into a restful state and de-excite our nervous system, stored stresses or emotions can begin to be released. With this we get a second gift: the ability to know that when we experience emotion or stress in our daily life, it’s a sign of more stress coming out of the nervous system. We can recognise that something has triggered the release, and we can allow it to come out. Just as we don’t mind lots of activity in our meditation, we simply notice and allow the process to unfold, staying open and easy. We respect its need to be felt, and we allow it to pass through, knowing that it is coming up to come out.
 
Sometimes, a stress or emotion may last a while. This is when we employ all the self-care practices we have at our disposal to minimise the damage: we keep up our twice-daily meditations, get extra sleep, eat nourishing food, talk to friends, family or professionals for support, take baths, journal, listen to uplifting music or podcasts and, most importantly, we love ourselves. We love ourselves through this process and we recognise that we are OK exactly as we are, exactly as we feel in the moment.

Remember: healing is a spiral, not a line and you are a process, not a problem.