Let go of the need to be right

Would you rather be happy or would you rather be right?

I remember the first time I heard this, and it landed so poignantly for me. Being right, pushing our views on another, doggedly driving home our opinion and trying to make someone think a certain way are all mechanisms that come from a deep sense of feeling inadequate or incomplete. When we harbour these unconscious beliefs (and most of us do, in one way or another) they often manifest as a desire to always be right. Unconsciously we think that if we can prove ourselves to be correct and make the other yield, we will find contentedness or safety. And if you imagine two people in a discussion are coming at the conversation with the desire to be right, you've got an argument on your hands. You can start to see why there is so much conflict in homes, communities and the world at large, can't you?

But being right has never led to being happy, content or safe. On the odd chance someone admits, "yeah, you're right", there may be momentary satisfaction, but never any kind of fulfilment. Being right often means we sabotage our relationships with those we love most. Our opinion becomes more important than nurturing any kind of bond or experience with them. When we drop the need to control or change another person's beliefs or behaviour, we have the opportunity for a genuine communing experience. We open up the possibility for dialog, with the knowing that we don't have to think the same way in order to get along and enjoy each other's company. You relax, they relax. We realise that someone doesn't have to agree with me for either of us to be valid. And a genuine exchange can occur.

As one of my all-time favourite authors on spiritual teachings, psychiatrist David Hawkins, once said, “I just realised that I don't have to have an opinion about everything--what a relief!”